Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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