if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
