I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Your penis caused this!
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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