OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
