Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
