he puts the penis in happiness.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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