I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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