Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
