My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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