i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
