4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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