why didn't you poke me back
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
