So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
