i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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