ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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