Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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