so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
