(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
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Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
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Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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