Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
