If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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