So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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