you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
