last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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