No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
