ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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