he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
