You just made me feel so damn special
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
