He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
