I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
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