I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
