new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
The adults are the big ones right?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
