I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
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Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
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Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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