she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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