I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I'm really busy with my period
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