I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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