Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
