Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
