Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
