"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
