So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
