In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
