I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
