you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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