I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
