morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
