She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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