I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
