The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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