I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
We had to coat check the pizza.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
