I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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