I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
