People with herpes should wear stickers.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
