i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
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If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
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I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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