The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
