Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
