Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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