We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Holy sore nipples Batman
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
