they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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