don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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