there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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