they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
