I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
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